Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Q&A: Age of separating children in the beds?

Question: Please explain the hukm regarding separation of children in their beds. At what age is separation an obligation upon the parents? Also can a parent sleep in the same bed as their child?

Answer:

1- With regards to separating children in their beds, it is clear that the separation which is obligatory is when they reach the age of 7 and not since their birth. This is due to the hadith reported by Daarqutni and al-Hakim from the Messenger (saw) who said: When your children reach the age of 7 then separate their beds and when they reach 10 beat them if they do not pray their salah.’ This is also due to what has been narrated by al-Bazzar on the authority of Abi Rafi’ with the following wording: ‘We found in a sheet near the Messenger of Allah (saw) when he died on which the following was written: Separate the beds of the slave boys and girls and brothers and sisters of 7 years of age.’ The two hadiths are texts on the separation of children when they reach the age of 7. As for the hadith reported by Ahmad, Abu Dawud: ‘Order your children to pray at the age of 7 and beat them when they are 10 (if they do not pray) and separate their beds.’ This does not specify the age at which the separation should take place. So it is interpreted according to the two hadiths which specify the time of separation which is the age of 7. Therefore, it is obligatory on the parents to separate the beds when their children reach the age of 7 but before that age it is not obligatory.

2- As regards separation of the beds between the parents and their children. It is clear that separation between parents and children is not obligatory due to the hadith reported by Abu Dawud in which the Messenger (saw) said: ‘No man should reach /come to sleep with a man, nor woman with a woman except with a child or a parent.’ This hadith is explicit in its prohibition of a man sleeping with another man in the same bed and a woman sleeping with another woman in the same bed. Thus, it becomes clear that the father and the mother sleeping with their children is not haraam or makrooh but rather there is nothing wrong with this. So it is allowed for a man to sleep with his children whether they are mature or not and the woman can sleep with her children whether the children are mature or not according to what has been mentioned in this hadith. Not to mention the fact that the hadiths which require the parents to separate between their children have stipulated that it be between children, brothers and sisters: ‘when your children reach the age of 7 then separate their beds’ , ‘separate the beds of the slave boys and girls and brothers and sisters of 7 years of age’, ‘separate them in their beds,’. All of these texts are specific to children, brothers and sisters and do not include parents whether by the pronounced (mantuq), implied (mafhum), explicit (sareeh) or indicated (dalalah) meaning. So the hadiths will be restricted to what they have indicated.

10 comments:

abdur said...

WHat is the hukm about brother and brother sleeping in the same bed? From the hadees you mentioned, it seems that it is not allowed for brother and brother to sleep in a single bed together.

Abu Ismael al-Beirawi said...

It is not allowed for brothers who are over the age of 7 to sleep in the same bed together in the same cover. Some scholars permit them to sleep in the same bed, in different covers and with a barrier between them - as in reality then it would be as if it is more than one bed.

ummshakirah said...

does dat mean if i have to girls dat i have to separate them as well

Islamic Revival said...

Yes after the age of 7

Anonymous said...

what if one of my kids is 17 and the other 9. can they sleep in the same room?

Islamic Revival said...

Sleeping in the same room is not a problem, the hadith is specifically related to sleeping in the same bed.

Anonymous said...

I am 21 years old. My step mother is 37 years old. Can I sleep with her or not according to teachings of Islam

Anonymous said...

I have a 6 and 7 year old, girl & boy!
They sleep in the same bed of me and my husband they sleep in-between us!
What would the ruling be in this case?

Islamic Revival said...

It explains in the Q&A above that parents can sleep in the same bed as the children.

Regarding the step mother if she is not a mahrem (such as a milk-mother) then the rule of separation applies.

Rabia Nolan said...

I'm a step mother to a 5 year old girl, is it okay if I sleep in the same bed?